dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
