a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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