i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
