I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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