If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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