When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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