HIV tests are more positive than that guy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want nice things and good sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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