you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
