Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
