Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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