i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
