Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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