I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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