Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
