We're like a lot better than the average bears
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
