his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
