I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like, not good at living.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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