And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
