i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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