the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
