When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
