If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
