I could have mohawked her pubes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
