i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
