Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
