my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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