I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
