He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
