So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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