Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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