nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
