so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
