So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
