I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
