Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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