my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
