If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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