Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
