If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
