I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
