non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
