evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
