i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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