im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
