He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
