we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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