dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
