we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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