We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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