I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
