I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
