Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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