Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You surviving the open bar?
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No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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