As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
