just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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