He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He did a backflip because drugs
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