She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
