He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
