I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
