I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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