thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
