I just cut my nipple shaving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
