easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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