I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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