My underwear smells like fireworks.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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